thinking of you today..

My Nana,

In June the entire family came together at Nick’s in Connecticut. It was so nice spending time with the family, laughing and enjoying eachothers’ company. You would have loved to be there, Nana (Somehow, I’m sure you were).

My mom, Ellen, Steve, Dave, Nick, Nick’s friend, and I took a boat out to Duck Island. The rest of the group stayed on land, watching us from the deck. You better believe there were binoculars… there were Strachan’s there! Your ashes were scattered near where Papa’s were and flowers floated above you and out to sea.

So much has happened in the almost year and a half since you’ve been gone.

On Friday, Abbie will be a 3 year old! Pancakes is sweet as ever, sleeping most of her days away (dreaming about Slink, I presume). Little white butterflies flew circles around them this summer, each time I would tell the girls, “There’s Nana!”

I’ll never forget the five thousand times you would ask me, “Why do they live here?”, referring to the pups. You’re face was always so serious.

Erika and I are getting married next June! Ah, how I’d give anything for you to be there. Nicolle and Aronn are engaged, too! (Finally, we know!) Lots and lots of planning ahead of all of us!

Keep looking down on us; kisses to Papa and Slinkie.

Love,

Your Bodyguard

 

You are my best memory

My Nana,
My mind wanders to our memories daily. The home we shared the past couple of months of your life feels empty in a way. You filled this house with so much love, wisdom, and laughter, but you’re missing. That’s the hardest part for me.
I’d give anything to sit beside you and hold your hand; to see your beautiful smile.
The thought that you’re no longer in this life with us still seems surreal. You’ve been a constant my entire life. Through all of my childhood moves, moods, and travels, you’ve been there.
It’s hard to let that go.
The girls miss you. I say your name and Pancakes cried. Abbie looks around and I know she remembers your name. We were all so positively impacted by your presence in our home.
Little white butterflies… Is that you? Maybe not, but I’ll hold onto the idea that it’s your spirit checking in.
Forever my best memories,
Lhizz

Ps we are all okay

signed, nana’s bodyguard

dear nana…

It’s different here. This house isn’t the same and my morning routine is thrown off.
11am… That’s my “Nana Duty” time. Put down the coffee cup, put my phone on the charger, bring the dogs inside… That’s the time you get my undivided attention.
I find myself missing the little things. 
I always liked crushing up your medicine; not sure why, but it gave me a sense of importance, as you needed the medications.
Forehead kisses every time I entered and left your room, combined with “I love you, my Nana” whispered to you.
I miss tucking you in. I had a “system”… You wouldn’t be too cold or too hot; not under my watch!
Your laugh, more like a nana giggle..  and that sweet smile. You had the most beautiful smile.
I miss watching you… Looking over at you while you’re up in your chair reading a book and watching to make sure you’re sleeping comfortably when you’re in bed.
And the pups, oh how they love you! Abbie pawing at your arm, ever so gently, looking for a good pat on the head… Taking her “Nana Watch” duty very seriously as she’d check on you in the doorway of your room. She did this daily.
Pancakes spent a good deal of time sleeping just outside your room. If anyone entered she made sure she saw what was going on.
Nana, you have always been so important. You left such a positive imprint on my life…. Forever grateful for the opportunity to be called your granddaughter.
I love you and miss you. Tell Papa and Slinkie that I thank them tremendously for guiding you so peacefully.

signed, nana’s bodyguard

role reversal

It’s interesting how life works.
When you’re born, you are completely dependant on those around you. Eating, drinking, talking, walking…. It’s impossible to accomplish those tasks without assistance and guidance. The next few years are filled with absorbing. You’re a sponge; a young impressionable being that is impressed by the world.
As you grow older you have the belief that you’ve got it, you know everything there is to possibly know, and you yearn for others to recognize your
Independence. You stumble, you trip, and you fall… But you don’t need that helping hand forever, not like you did as a child. You’re an adult now… And “you’ve got this”.
As we age, we resort back to that dependency we had as children. Self-care is no longer our forte, but a task that becomes daunting. Others are needed to step in to help us. We become reliant, often times reluctantly, on those we cared for while they were young.

I’ll be that person for you Nana… I’ve got this.

image

signed, nana’s bodyguard